Commitment as a term has been often used with reference to marriages and relationships. Flashback a few years and you will see that ‘commitment’ was not discussed as much as it is being done today. But, with the advancement of the society, emancipation of men and women alike and the many ‘options’ that are always available with adults, they are shying away from commitments and living it up the way they want to.
At least this is what the ‘commitment phobics’ want to believe.
Just by the sense of the word, ‘commitment phobia’ means fear of relationships. One would argue that we are born with relationships.. relationship with our parents, siblings.. and as we grow up we build new ones with friends and society. So, if all of these come so naturally to us, why is the commitment to another individual or ‘marriage’ becomes a task so difficult that it needs to be mulled over so much.
The gist of it lies in the many changes that marriage brings to your life and that is the reason why this ‘leap of faith’ may not be everyone’s cup of tea.
Here are some of the reasons why ‘commitment phobics’ run away from commitments:
1) Commitment ends ‘no-strings attached’ fun!
There comes a stage in everyone’s life when they are earning and living independently. This independence means that they take all decisions for themselves and there are no stakes involved of anyone else in their life.
Having said this, the parents will always have a stake in their children’s well being but that is just about it… they do not have a stake in their day to day actions. So, whether it is going for a movie or a club or to theatre or for hiking, be the master of our own life. This independence is truly addictive! To get yourself do all these activities with another person seems like a tall order to many. Moreover, the physical needs are also taken care of with other likeminded people who listen to their bodies but just want to get involved physically, not emotionally. So, when life is so satisfying in all aspects, commitment appears to be tying down yourself and live an altogether different life!
2) Commitment brings additional burden of responsibility!
Commitment to a relationship means that you are not just ready but willing to share your life with another person. This also means that you are answerable to that other person, irrespective of whether you are the husband or the wife in the relationship.
Firstly, this appears to be a big responsibility for the commitment phobics. Secondly, there is the whole shared responsibility of running the house, catering to the sensibilities of your spouse and making an adjustment here and there. The natural progression of marriage culminates into parenthood which is even higher responsibility and therefore those who shy away from the first step, literally dread the next step. In this scenario, if their spouse has an aficionado towards children, then the situation becomes quite difficult for the commitment phobic individual.
3) Commitment means sharing your financial resources!
Sharing your room, sharing your cupboards, sharing your house, sharing your feelings, sharing your emotions… and sharing your money! Most of the commitment phobics do not like being questioned about their earnings, spending or any other money matter. But, if you decide to take the plunge, to be fair to the relationship, you will have to share your finances also.
While it is fair, it may not be favorable to the free bird aka the commitment phobic. Also, higher financial planning like planning for children's education, house etc come as baggage with the wedding, so there may be a chance where there arises a need to cut down on vacations/travel and save for a higher priority.
4) Commitment is the other name for bondage!
Being answerable to your spouse bothers many. While being single means the freedom to do whatever you want to and move in and move out of the house any time you want to, the scenario changes when you get hitched. Those who despise this life feel in some kind of bondage when this happens and therefore steer clear from getting married.
As many are the factors going for the motion for the commitment phobics, there will be many counter arguments also that will be equally logical and fair. So, it is really an introspection of one’s current life and force fitment of the other person in your life.
If love fills in all the gaps and you see yourself happy in the future, just go for it!